Changes...

I just viewed the Slideshow again (47th time?)... makes me cry every time - so sweet.

Changes are taking place and I have been a bundle of nerves. An opportunity presented itself in May and in June I left my comfort zone and started a new job, and here's the best part - closer to home! If you live in Atlanta, or similarly mind-numbing metro madness at rush hour, you can relate. But with the price of gas and the chance to shorten my daily commute by 28 miles, the decision seemed easy and, when its right, its easy.

While taking time off between jobs, I visited a "spiritual consultant". It was interesting to say the least. She immediately picked up on "baby" in my life. I finally acknowledged the adoption and she proceeds to tell me to "stop panicking" and "you aren't too old, you're going to live a long life". She further says we will hear something in September and we will have our daughter by March - WHOA! That is totally not the timeline we have been prepped for by our agency. More like September 2007 and March 2008....hmmmm...

At 6am, I sit, semi-conscious, with my fresh-ground Starbucks in complete ritualistic indulgence and think, "what is my morning going to be like when SHE is here?" What is my day going to be like, my evenings? In the shower I peer through the steaming glass door and imagine a small figure occupying the tile floor... Control freak that I am, I attempt to get comfortable with my future new life NOW.

Babies, and knowledge of them, have not factored in my life. I am the youngest in my family. My siblings were out of the house and grown and I had an "only" child existence. I hung out with the family who had seven kids but I could leave them when I had enough. My husband, on the other hand, is the middle child of three boys. I visualize them in one heap, rolling around on the floor while their mother threatened them with the wooden spoon. I still watch their connectiveness with awe.

I am looking forward to becoming a Mommy and finally ready for the sacrifice (I think!). I have had many quiet mornings, undisturbed showers and dining at great restaurants. What I look forward to are sandy baby toes in the surf, Santa Claus and Christmas pageants, math homework that Dad helps out with and English homework that I handle, swim team, ballet, tennis, and skiing, McDonalds and Chuck E Cheese, an excuse to see Disney movies, the drama of being a teenager, the success of achieving, graduation, college, first jobs, wedding and (gasp) grandbabies! Today, its hard to believe this will come true.